how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't deserve a penis
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
