a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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