either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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