Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
