he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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