i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
