i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
