Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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