Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
