She is in my trunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Randomize
