You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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