I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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