goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
