Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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