I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
