I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
