Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
