When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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