You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
