i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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