I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
