I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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