This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
