Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
