my phone needs a breathalizer
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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