if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
