Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
