dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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