He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
