i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
