She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
