I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm passing your future prison.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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