i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
