So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
