He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
