even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need moral support for this bender
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
