CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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