i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
