And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
