It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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