walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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