i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
