we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
