Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
