I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
