You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
