dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
