All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
