all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
