woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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