super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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