i need an iv and a liver transplant
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I will be naked everywhere
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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