New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
