DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
