Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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