three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
